


Out Of The Comfort Zone

by mygodhatesme



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst, Anorexia, Bucky Barnes Has An Eating Disorder, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes-centric, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Bucky Barnes, High School, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 09:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21013886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: Bucky has an eating disorder he tried so hard not talk about it to his friends and when he needed to talk about it he went to someone even he didn’t even expect to.





	Out Of The Comfort Zone

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest thing i’ve ever wrote and i have to be honest, i couldn’t edit the whole fic because i got bored so please excuse any kind of mistake
> 
> i tried my best, hope you like it

The bell rang in the same exact time as it did everyday, the empty halls of the school filled with teenagers rushing to get lunch, their voices echoed the moment they entered the cafeteria. Even though Bucky Barnes was in between them, he wasn’t one of them. While everyone was getting in line to get the most disgusting food in the country, he always moved himself to the back of the cafeteria to sat on the table facing the bathrooms and waited for his friends to come sit with him. As he was waiting for them to come with their trays, he took his ‘lunch’ out of his backpack. He took out an apple and a box of orange juice from his bag, cleaned the apple with a tissue paper and placed it on the table. Tony and Natasha came together and started eating as soon as they sat, “Where’s Sam?” Bucky asked while looking around for him. “He said he’ll wait for that little guy.” Tony said without even looking up from his food, “What little guy?” Bucky asked as his face with that confused impression entered Natasha’s eyesight. “The blonde one, I guess his name’s Steve.” Tony interrupted Natasha with a witty comment his friends were familiar with “He’s like short and skinny, looks like he can break any second.” just after they both stopped eating like wolves. 

Tony wondered his eyes around the cafeteria “Do you guys think I can get another cupcake?” he really loved cupcakes, he started talking again before any of them get the chance to “There they are.” he said before both Natasha and Bucky turned to the way Sam and the little guy was coming from. “How did i not meet him?” Bucky said softly, “Because you never pay attention.” Tony said to annoy Bucky but it was also true. “Believe me I would’ve noticed him with that body.” he said and he was going to continue but the little guy with Sam left their trays on the table, which made a lot of noise and sat down. “Hey!” Sam said enthusiastically, Steve’s anxiety was very visible from his gestures and Bucky had to comment on it. “Hey Blondie, no need to be anxious, just sit down and eat.” he said in one breath, Tony looked at Natasha and the both turned to Bucky because he was usually a little more distant with new people. “I’m Steve.” he shyly said as he took the fork in his hand and started slowly eating the fries on his plate. Everyone other than Bucky was talking about the upcoming exams and how to survive maths but he was just there sitting, playing with his apple and not paying attention at all. 

“Have you guys did Mr. Fury’s homework?” Tony asked to get Bucky’s attention, all of them shook their heads but Bucky but they knew he didn’t even bother to do it, he didn’t have to say it out loud. “Wait, are we all in the same physics class?” Steve asked, he was such an easy person to read and you could see that he wasn’t really paying attention just like Bucky. “I planned to do it after lunch.” Natasha looked at her tray, “I guess I’ll get to the library and finish it now.” she continued. “Can I join you?” Sam asked quickly “I really need some assistance.” Tony used the time between others’ words and said “I should come too.” he raised his eyebrows, “You’ll need my knowledge.” he put on his signature smirk with the last word came out of his mouth. “Steve, you should come too.” Natasha asked as she got on his feet before Tony and Sam. “Nah, I’m a slow eater. I’ll get to class as soon as I finish my lunch.” he kept his shy smile on his face which gave Natasha some kind of comfort.

She turned to Bucky, telling him to come with them without saying a word. Bucky and Natasha didn’t even need words to communicate, they knew each other so well that they could tell exactly what the other was going to say before they did. They’ve been friends since they were very young and never actually grew apart.Bucky smiled shyly and said “I don’t want to leave Blondie alone.” Steve put his head up from his food and stared at him with ocean blue eyes. “Me?” Steve asked before his jaw dropped, Bucky moved his chair to next to his. Natasha said “Alright then.” and got on her way to the library, following Tony and Sam. 

“Why didn’t you go with them?” Steve asked the moment he got the fork in his hand again, Bucky was still smiling a little. “Why shouldn’t I give a chance to the new guy?” he began as his smile grew big, “Also I couldn’t ignore someone with a body like yours.” Steve still didn’t get it, especially the last one. Steve never had a compliment for his body, he was so skinny that he was mostly bones and he wasn’t that tall either. Steve’s first response to Bucky’s words was “What?” he looked really surprised, Bucky nodded slowly as Steve kept talking. “I literally have the worst body, it’s not attractive at all.” he sounded genuine. “Well, you look great.” Bucky confessed, “It wasn’t great when I got sick easily as a child and in my early teens.” Steve answered right after Bucky. “I don’t think it’s related to your weight, maybe it’s your immune system.” Steve didn’t understand if it was a question or not but he felt like it was, “Well yeah it is but the weight thing effected it bad.” he said in softly trying not to start a whole conversation about his body. “I’m sorry about the sickness thing but it doesn’t change the fact that skinny looks good on you.” he still was smiling a bit, which was kind of weird for Bucky because no matter how much he liked smiling he never felt like he should. 

Steve was done with his lunch, Bucky’s apple was still on the table and the juice box was empty. Steve stared at the apple for a while, then looked at Bucky who still was smiling, it got weird for Steve because nobody ever smiled at him for that long. “Aren’t you going to eat that apple?” Steve was actually curious because he always was hungry and actually felt like he could eat that apple. “Nah.” he answered simply, “Aren’t you hungry?” Steve asked while trying to reach for the apple. Bucky took the apple and gave it to Steve. Bucky watched as Steve was biting the apple. “Did you have lunch earlier?” Steve was just trying to fill the awkward silence between them. “Nope.” Bucky again answered simply but Steve wasn’t satisfied with his answer. “Have you had anything before lunch?” Steve didn’t know if he was asking too much, Bucky didn’t seem like he was bothered by those questions. “I had a big breakfast.” he simply answered, Steve should’ve just said something else but he went with “What did you eat?” and he regretted it the second words came out. 

He didn’t really know what kind of answer he expected from Bucky or where the conversation was going. Bucky didn’t say anything for a moment, he looked like he was thinking about his answer but Steve felt like he didn’t know what to say. “Uhhh...” he mumbled and when Steve opened his mouth to say something Bucky continued with “A hard boiled egg, one cup of green tea and half a banana.” but he sounded like he didn’t really like talking about what he eats. Nobody other than his parents asked him what he ate. He looked uncomfortable but Steve wasn’t really sure if he was right about that because he was the worst at reading people’s feelings.

“We still have 15 minutes before class, would you like to do the homework together?” Steve asked just trying to be friendly, Bucky didn’t seem like he was a bright student but he hadn’t been in any classes with him so he just assumed so. “Yeah, that sounds good” Bucky mumbled, “Have you started doing it?” Bucky asked because he was planning to copy his if he did. “If you’re asking because you want to copy, then no.” he said and smiled for the first time since he met Bucky and continued “If you just want help, then yes.” Steve kept his smile as their eyes got locked on the other for the first time. Bucky saw him as a potential friend just like Steve did too but even though they just met, Bucky admired him in a way. “I like how you think, Blondie.” Bucky said, turned to Steve just to see the annoyed face of his. “Why Blondie?” his voice got a little higher and Bucky kind of enjoyed it, “Well, it’s the name of my favourite band and you ‘ARE’ blonde.” his unusual smile grew big on his face, his words annoyed Steve in each step they took through the corridor. 

“You can give me a better nickname.” not that he didn’t like it but it just made him feel weird, he didn’t like the colour of his hair. Bucky changed his impression to a more serious look than Steve’s. “I trust you on that, you look like you’re good with nicknames.” his words sounded dull and you couldn’t comment on his impression, both of their looks were so straight that it was almost like they were trying the don’t laugh or smile challenge. They were walking next to each other, only looking at one other when they were talking. “Stevie.” Bucky said and his eyes crinkled at the corners, he was smiling unconsciously, Steve noticed it and he stopped in the middle of the corridor. “I like that.” he didn’t say anything for a moment and Bucky filled the moment with “We have to be in class,” he looked at his watch “ in 7 minutes.” and they got back to walking.

About a few steps later they saw Tony waiting outside the classroom, “Where’ve you been?” he sounded annoyed as he always was. “Eating.” Bucky was trying to annoy Tony more, “Whatever, you still haven’t done your homework.” his smirk brightened his face once again. Bucky and Tony’s friendship seemed weird to most people, all they did was making fun of each other but it was never to hurt one other. “Stevie will let me copy.” he turned to the blonde one, “When did I say that?” Bucky’s smile once again grew on his face. Tony could feel that Bucky was fond of Steve. “Stevie?” Tony asked, “When did you get this close?” he raised his eyebrows. “He had to give me a nickname and I didn’t like the first one.” it was the kind of answer Tony found acceptable.

They both got in the classroom, Tony didn’t follow them and still was by the door looking down the corridor. Steve took his book from the bag he had on his shoulders, went next to Bucky who was already sitting at his usual spot right beside the window. Steve didn’t sit but he stood before the desk and left the book on it. He watched Bucky as he copied the whole thing not even making any changes. They didn’t talk, Bucky was a fast writer and Steve didn’t feel like making a comment. As he wrote the last words Steve’s voice asking “Are you done?” took his attention and he immediately closed the book, pushed it on the desk towards the blonde one. “You are a really fast writer.” Steve commented the moment Bucky closed his own book. 

Bucky put the pencil he wrote with in his pencil case and answered “Everyone says that but it only makes my handwriting shittier.” he chuckled quietly and it made Steve smile a little. Steve always thought his handwriting looked beautiful and that was also what everyone said but as Bucky moved his pencil on the unnecessarily expensive physics book, he realised he had a decent writing compared to his. “Yours is better than mine and I’m known with having a good handwriting.” he chuckled also, Bucky’s smile continued brightening his face. “If you say so.” he nodded slowly, normal Bucky would insist on how bad his handwriting was but at that point he decided to accept Steve’s compliment because the blonde one seemed really genuine. 

“Thanks Stevie, for letting me copy.” he began softly and continued with “Tony never lets me, he’s a pain in the ass.” it was enough to make Steve laugh a little. “You are already being a pain in the ass and we only met like twenty minutes ago.” he said with a smile continued laughing softly afterwards. An anxious looking Tony stormed in the classroom, “He’s approaching!” his loud voice filled the room, giving all the students the same anxiety he has. As Steve ran to a desk to sit, he looked really confused. “Don’t mind him, it’s Tony.” Natasha let out the words looking at the panicking Steve.

Mr. Fury stepped in the class the moment Steve sat at a seat behind Bucky. The teacher examined the classroom, staring into the eyes of each student with a straight face. His tough impression got a little soft after he was sure that everyone was seated and very much quiet. “I was told we had a new student.” he began calmly, “Where is he?” his voice got a little sharper. Every student in the classroom turned to Steve who disappeared behind Bucky, who’s definitely taller than him. Bucky turned to the side so the teacher could see Steve, “There he is!” the teacher enthusiastically said. Steve straightened his posture and waved nervously. He answered only with his name when Mr. Fury asked him to introduce himself. “Oh come on!” Steve’s answer wasn’t enough for Mr. Fury, “You have to tell us more!” Steve was still nervous as hell. 

“I grew up here in New York but I was living with my aunt in New Jersey for the last two years.” he said softly, his voice wasn’t high enough to fill the room but nobody actually cared. “Welcome back.” the teacher said before his not so warm smile disappeared. “Let’s get on with the class, were you told about the homework Steve?” he asked, Bucky was still trying to let him see Steve. “Yes sir, i’ve done it.” he said with a calm voice, “Good, I hope you all did it.” he continued with telling all the students to leave their books on the table after class. Bucky went back to his previous position and that was when Mr. Fury told Steve to sit beside Bucky. Steve was actually okay with sitting next to that cute guy who’s been complimenting since the moment they met. It was kind of like an instant connection but Steve wasn’t sure yet. 

The class went by fast, Steve took notes of everything when Bucky was looking outside the window thinking about god knows what and writing stuff on his notebook which made Steve get curious about Bucky more. Bucky seemed to try focus on the class but he was easily distracted, he rather looked outside and probably thought about stupid shit. The bell rang again in 40 minutes and students had 10 minutes to switch classes. Bucky, Natasha, Sam and Tony didn’t rush so neither did Steve, he liked all four of them and really wanted to fit in. They left the class, Tony and Natasha went to algebra which was literally the classroom across physics. Sam went to chemistry which was in the same corridor. But Steve and Bucky had to go to literature which was upstairs. They compared schedules on their way to the classroom and they had literature, physics and geometry together. Tony actually should’ve been in a higher level physics class but he just wanted to be the best so he just chose which his friends took. 

The literature class looked really aesthetic inside and was definitely different than other classes. It had four bookshelves at the back and looked more like a library. The classroom was pretty much empty so they sat at the front, they talked about reading on their way up there and Bucky loved the teacher Ms. Hill. He talked very positively about her and Steve seemed to be interested. Steve actually didn’t like reading much but Bucky was so enthusiastic while talking about reading generally and the class itself, he felt like he needed to share the same thoughts. That class also went fast, Bucky was the most active in the class and Steve just saw the exact opposite of what he saw in physics. 

At the end of the class Bucky wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and gave to Steve. He seemed to be in a rush so Steve had to ask why. “I just need to be somewhere else.” he explained himself quick, “I’ll be able to text back in like 2 hours but text whenever you can.” Bucky ran down the stairs. Steve didn’t know what to think about that last moment, where Bucky was going seemed important but he didn’t really know what to think exactly. He felt like he shouldn’t be this curious about Bucky, he only met him two classes ago. He just let it go and went to the art class which was his favourite, he thought of drawing and painting as his passion. And he also loved that there was an actual subject in school for that. He left school the moment the last class ended and saved Bucky’s number as soon as he got his hands on his phone. He decided not to text him yet but he was also not really sure if he’s be ever ready to text him. 

He didn’t text him at the end since were going to see each other tomorrow any way, they didn’t have any mutual classes that day but still. He hoped he could sit with Natasha, Sam, Tony and Bucky at lunch tomorrow. He didn’t have any homework but sketched for a few hours after school, he felt really tired since he wasn’t having much sleep since he moved back in NY and started school just a few days ago. While he moved the pencil on the paper he though about how much he liked Bucky, he thought about if they could be more than friends some day. Steve thought of asking Bucky on a date but it was too early, he could wait a little longer: asking someone he just met on a date was too much. He fell asleep with his sketchbook on his chest, laying on his extremely large bed, thinking about Bucky.

As Steve was having a calm night, Bucky was dealing with some stuff at home that he never talked about. He actually got home later than Steve did, where he went in a rush took a lot of his time. He got home his face and eyes red, crying in silence. He said hi to his parents in the kitchen, his mother got on his feet and took him to another room to talk to him. “How was,” she began but didn’t know how to continue, “For god’s sake! You can’t even say what it is!” he lost his temper very easily. “You forced me to get treatment for my so called eating disorder any you can’t even talk about it!” his voice filled the whole room, he was also sure his sister and dad could hear it. “You know that I don’t need it!” he was getting more angry each second, “Fuck intensive outpatient shit! I don’t fucking need any of this!” he left the room with fast steps and said “Leave me be.” quietly.

His parents were always informed about his treatment as a part of it and after that day’s session, they were advised to put Bucky into a more intensive treatment. He wasn’t making progress in any kind. His parents didn’t agree at first, they trusted their unstable son too much. After Bucky basically ran to his room and probably was having a breakdown, they decided to actually talk about a more intense treatment. It wasn’t going to be easy for any of them. Especially Bucky, who didn’t think he needed any help while his body was slowly shutting itself down. Bucky has been having issues with his body image longer than he could remember and his behaviours on food felt right at start and this point he couldn’t leave it. 

He got in bed, he thought generally about school while staring at the ceiling. Steve came into his mind immediately when he was going through what he did in that day. The short, very skinny kid, who’s actually really nice and fun to talk to. He thought if Steve wanted to know anything more about him, or if he ever enjoyed their small conversations that day. He gave his number for a reason, Steve looked like he could be an amazing friend. Or even more if Bucky was comfortable with anything like that. He also thought about Steve’s body, his bones sticking out and his pale skin shining. He knew that was not how a healthy body looked like but it seemed so beautiful to him. Bucky wanted to stop thinking, it didn’t matter how much he liked Steve, he didn’t want to let his toxic thoughts of himself will harm anyone but himself. 

He closed his eyes slowly, his tired body needed some rest but he couldn’t sleep. Bucky’s mind was very active at nights, he thought of so many things that he couldn’t stop thinking, even sometimes during the day. He was lying to all of his friends and since he had a new friend, he was lying to more and more people each day. He told himself that he won’t tell anyone yet because he felt like it was all nonsense. He didn’t like lying but he had to because if he told the truth, he would be admitting he needed help.

Even with his eyes closed he couldn’t fall asleep. His eyes opened wide as he heard the footsteps of his parents climbing the stairs. He ran to his door as quickly as possible and locked it. “James, are you asleep?” his father called but at that moment Bucky was putting stuff in his backpack and was going to get out from his window and run away. He knew he could do it, he did it a few times. But this time it was different, he was somehow scared. He just thought of all possible things his parents could say and neither were good. Also in that moment, one of the moments his mind didn’t know how to stop, he made himself believe that his parents were there to put him in an inpatient program. He just assumed but that day when they weighed him, he wasn’t gaining any wait and he was very sure that his parents were asked about it and his heart rate was below average, he didn’t know how but he managed to leave before they did something else. He just couldn’t risk it. 

He was lucky that his window wasn’t that far from the ground. He threw his backpack outside, he took himself out of the window and stepped on the air conditioning thing, then he jus jumped from there. He grabbed his backpack, he just started running, at the same time he was thinking about what he put in his backpack. He didn’t stop running until he couldn’t catch his breath, he sat on the grass on somebody’s yard and checked everything he’s got. His chargers were there, his laptop was also there, his pencil case, notebook and his phone was in the pocket of his jacket. He was in his pyjamas and actually was comfortable. He felt weird thinking he didn’t want to go back, not yet, and he was thinking about forgetting his toothbrush and mouthwash. Thinking about that kind of made him smile. 

He got on his feet again but instead of running, he was walking. But his usual walking was really fast, he did most things very fast, everything he did was in a rush. People often told him that what he was doing, wasn’t walking but it was running. It also made him laugh. He took his phone out of his jacket, the first thing he did was blocking his parents’ numbers. Yes, it was stupid and was going to make them more worried but he was scared that they were going to force him. Yes, they had the right to but Bucky couldn’t imagine being recovered. It was weird and was totally fucked up. He was scared of eating, scared of not losing weigh and gaining weight, he was never satisfied with anything, all he thought in a day was food. He also exercised a lot, he walked everyday to school and back, he stretched his legs both in the morning and at night, he used to go to the gym but he was told he couldn’t do it in recovery. Not that he cared but it was more visible than what he did in school. Bucky didn’t want recovery and it made him feel really bad, he was harming anyone around him because of that. But he also didn’t know any other thing than that, what he was comfortable with was killing him slowly.

Steve was the last person he texted and he didn’t know much about Bucky since they met not long ago. He needed to talk but he needed someone who didn’t had much to say about him. Steve was perfect for that. He just wrote that he ran away from home and needed someone to talk to. His phone rang in a few minutes, he saw Steve’s name on the screen.

“Hey” Bucky said calmly, his voice was soft and had a sad tone to it. “What happened?” Steve asked, his voice was soft as well but didn’t have the tone Bucky’s had. “Did I wake you up?” Bucky asked, it wasn’t late but his voice felt a bit tired. “No, tell me what happened.” Steve insisted on getting the answer, he sounded worried but he also had no idea what it could be and he also got up to get some water but thanks to Bucky couldn’t go back to sleep. “It’s nothing I can talk about on the phone, can we meet somewhere? I know it’s kind of late.” he was unnaturally calm, Steve didn’t know him at all but the one talking over the phone didn’t sound like the Bucky he met. “Yeah, just tell me where.” Steve said as he looked for his sweatpants, “You choose” he said and Steve was quick with suggesting a coffee shop around his house.

Bucky was walking in his usual speed there, Steve put his sweatpants on and left the house quietly, nobody was going to ask anyway. He saw Bucky waiting outside the coffee shop, looking around. “Hey.” Steve said to Bucky, he turned to him. “Shall we get inside?” Bucky said, still very calmly. They sat at a table, it wasn’t crowded at that hour. “This place is open until 2am as I know, if you have a problem with time.” Steve said trying to sound a little enthusiastic to release the tension. “I ran away so I actually have no problems with time.” he said avoiding eye contact with the blonde one, “Why?” Steve asked without trying to sound relaxed. He knew something was wrong but didn’t want to ask, even though Bucky was the one asking him to listen.

“This is a long story and I wanted to tell only to you because we just met and I needed to talk to someone who didn’t know me as much as Nat, Tony or Sam knew. And I don’t know if we’re friends but you’re my only friend other than them.” he said in one breath, he was rushing to get it all out of his chest. “Go on, I’m listening.” Steve put his both hands on the table. “It all sounds wrong because I literally have the best family ever, I never had a hard time in school even though I’m gay and I had great friends my whole life.” he said really fast rushing to say it all at once. “The thing is, I’m anorexic not matter all those, I’m spoiled fucking brat.” Bucky let out a breath after the words left his mouth, “And I was forced into recovery, that’s not how it actually is but” he stopped to think about the right words. “No need to rush.” Steve said, “I was diagnosed not long ago and I was forced into this treatment kind of thing, outpatient thing.” he said and thought more about what to say, Steve waited for him to finish before he said something. “Basically I didn’t want recovery and I still don’t, I went there from school today and they weighed me. I’m not gaining any weight which means I’m still underweight, my heart rate is below average as usual and I’m really sure the therapist told my parents that I’m not making any progress.” he stopped, Steve felt like it was a good time to talk “Why did you run away? You said you have the best family.” he kind of knew why but he felt like Bucky needed to say it out loud. 

Bucky put his hands on the table as well, “I kind of got angry at my mother because of this and about half an hour ago they were coming to my room and I got scared because I just know they were going to talk to me about putting me to an inpatient program.” he said not rushing this time, “I know I need help, I’m just scared, really scared.” Steve had to ask “Scared of what?” it was the question Bucky always avoided but as he was telling it all, he had to answer. “My physical health is almost as bad as my mental health because of this and I’m sure they’ll put one of tubes in me to feed me, I’ve been refusing to eat for a long time. I’m already scared of any kind of recovery but that scares me the most, I can’t do it.” Bucky was crying and Steve didn’t know what to do. “You know you need help and you intentionally refuse help. I’m no expert but even though you say you don’t want recovery, you made me think that you actually hate all this.” Steve put his hands on Bucky’s to show support. 

“I feel like you don’t want to recover because of change, you don’t want to change something you’re comfortable with.” Bucky knew he was right. “Does anybody comment on your body like you did to me today?” Steve didn’t know how this question would help in any way, he was just curious, “Not really, only Nat did when I first started losing weight but I met Tony and Sam later than that. Them not commenting makes me feel like I’m still not skinny enough” Steve had one more question. “You’re enough in ever way, trust me.” Steve said, his words made Bucky put on a sad smile. Steve continued “Does Natasha know?” Bucky took a deep breath, “I’m sure she does but she has too much going on with her father.” Steve held Bucky’s hands a little tighter. “You should put yourself first, I’m sure you were told this a bunch of times.” Steve’s words and the heat of his hands gave him some kind of comfort. 

“No matter how change scares you, change is often needed.” Steve said, “My mother passed away three years ago, she was sick and I wasn’t ready for change at all.” his eyes filled with tears. “The change I went through wasn’t even near good but it helped me grow into the person I am now, I lived with my aunt longer that I thought I would. I only moved back to the city because she said she would support me if I lived alone. I was kinda making the house seem smaller than it is.” he stopped wiped his tears, “ And yeah I’m only 18 but at least I know myself better because of those.” the tears left his eyes again as Bucky’s did too. “Maybe I need change.” Bucky confessed, “Not maybe, you definitely need change.” Steve said with a faint smile. He was still squeezing Bucky’s hands a little and Bucky actually liked it. “I know that inpatient treatment shit is scary, I would be too but it’ll be good.” Steve said keeping the sane faint smile. “Let’s go, I’m sure your parents are dead worried.” Bucky nodded as he got on his feet. 

They left the shop together, “I can come with you if you like, just for support.” Steve suggested, all he wanted was Bucky to feel safe. “Please tell me if you decide on recovering.” Steve said quietly that night both of them forgot that they only met a couple of hours ago and it was different. “No need to, thanks, I’ll let you know what happens.” Bucky said and hugged Steve in the moment he didn’t expect him to. “Thank you for listening.” Bucky said before leaving, “Thank you for opening up.” his faint smiled turned into a genuine little smile. Bucky walked home slower than usual. On his way home, he unblocked his parents’ numbers and called his mother to tell her he’s coming. Bucky realised what Steve told was real, he was told the same from many therapists but the way Steve told felt actually real and no matter how scared he was from talking about all that, he was glad it was Steve. It didn’t matter if they just met, Bucky was glad that person was Steve and he could be trusted. 

His parents and sister was waiting on the door step for him. They all hugged him tight before getting in. His sister went back to bed to let them speak alone. “We know you don’t want to but we agreed on inpatient.” his dad said, in a tone that sounded both angry and concerned. “I know and I’ll do it no matter how much it scares me.” he confessed, “You’ll be there at least a month, more will depend on you.” his mother said. “And to relieve you, we were told you won’t be force fed unless you make any problems. No need to be scared. Alright?” his dad continues while Bucky stood silent. “I’ll help you pack in the morning, we’ll leave afterwards.” his mother said, “I need to work but me and Becky will visit later.” he said calmly and his voice didn’t have that angry tone anymore. “We love you, James.” both of his parents said as he got up to get to his room.

He went to his room and texted Steve, it wasn’t a very long text but it said a lot. “I’ll be admitted tomorrow, for at least a month. I probably won’t have my phone for a while, I’m not sure but I’ll tell you tomorrow when they inform me about it all. I’m a little worried about my schoolwork but I don’t actually care. I trust you on telling Nat, Sam and Tony and please don’t get angry if they get furious about me telling you first. You made me feel like recovery is easier than I think it is, I’ve never had a realisation this fast before. Thanks! You’re amazing.” he wrote before he went to sleep he stood awake with his eyes closed for a while before he fell asleep. 

Tomorrow morning was wild, his mother and him trying to pack anything that could be approved. They got there, Bucky was told everything including every single detail, which made him get scared a bit more. Steve told everyone, surprisingly they didn’t react the way Bucky told him they would. It actually went really fast, Bucky was able to use his phone three days a week for an hour before bedtime. It calmed him down, helped him to know there’s an actual world out there since he lived in a corridor everyday and wasn’t allowed to go anywhere. The first week was a nightmare, it got easier after that and a month passed very quick. But it wasn’t over, he had to stay there two more weeks and in that two weeks Steve came to visit. 

There was this room to see visitors and Bucky loved that room it was calming in every way and whenever he went there he had a visitor. Tony, Natasha and Sam visited in his third week but somehow Steve visiting was different. “Hey!” Steve said with a big smile as Bucky entered into the room, they hugged and it felt more real than their first hug that night. “Is it as scary as you thought it would be?” Steve asked while he sat on the couch, “Nope.” Bucky answered “Still hard though.” he confessed. “I’ll be discharged in a week and continue with outpatient, I guess this time it’ll work.” he smiled shyly, “Full recovery still feels impossible but at least I have a decent eating schedule.” his smile got bigger which made Steve smile big unintentionally. Bucky was sitting on the chair in the corner of the couch, he wanted to be able to see Steve. 

“You’re not as scared of eating as you used to be then.” Steve said, he was feeling proud of Bucky. It was weird for both of them since their connection grew very fast after that night even when he was in, they texted a lot and shared almost everything. “Let’s say I’m more comfortable and I’ll continue eating according to the schedule when I’m discharged, I have to.” he nodded slowly “Your progress is faster than you imagined.” Steve said patting on Bucky’s shoulder. “Thanks Stevie, it’s stupid but I’m glad you agreed to meet me that night. You could’ve just just said no, you only knew for less than a day.” Bucky confessed, Steve knew he wasn’t wrong. “Maybe I care of others a bit too much.” Steve felt weird saying that. “It’s good unless you harm yourself.” Bucky said, remembering that night. His visit passed fast, faster than any visit Bucky had. Steve was willing to talk about random stuff happened in school like Tony breaking a desk while trying to get his pencil case from the top of the lockers because Sam put it up there as a prank, Bucky laughed at that. Bucky didn’t want to talk much about what he did in there so he encouraged Steve to talk about what he does generally even thought he knew everything since they texted a lot. 

The last week passed faster than any of them, he felt refreshed and somehow energetic. Surprisingly he was actually excited to go back to school the first time in his whole life. He also knew it wouldn’t be easy going back to his real life but also thought it was worth it in a way. When he was discharged and went home he realised how homesick he was. He found his room tidier than ever when he stepped in, his room was always messy and he rarely saw it like this. No matter how many times his mother tidied it it got messy in a day. He left his suitcase on the floor and sat on his bed, opened the top drawer of the nightstand at his bedside. He found his locked journal, he hated people reading his stuff so he had a locked journal like kid. He looked fo his wallet to get the key out, he opened the journal and started ripping the pages he wrote mostly disturbing stuff on his body image and generally eating. He would normally think that he put time on them so he would like to go back to them but since he actually was willing to stay recovered he threw them all in the trash. They were triggering and he knew they weren’t any good for him. 

He ripped most pages and he had an empty journal with only few pages left, he decided he didn’t need that journal or needed to keep his writing locked anymore, he threw the journal in the trash as well. He was often told that he didn’t need to hide his feelings or thoughts, releasing them would help in therapy and he understood it better. The first time he properly opened himself was to Steve and Bucky thought he would regret telling all those to someone he just met but he didn’t and it made him to grow a trust on Steve, he was also very sure it was the same with Steve. 

Steve knew Bucky was going home that day. Natasha, Sam and Tony also knew and wanted to see him but Steve told them he wanted to see him alone. And they didn’t react badly, they grew some kind of connection with Steve as well. Maybe not the kind he grew with Bucky but they started to become really good friends. And they knew Steve felt more about Bucky. Steve was very glad that he actually had a group of friends, which was something he never had because he was very sick as a kid and then his mother got sick. After he moved to New Jersey, things didn’t change much, he was only speaking to his cousins most of the time. Steve loved the feeling of having friends.

Steve showed up in Bucky’s house after school, it was monday and he also knew Bucky just got home that morning but he still needed to see him. He rang the door bell, Bucky’s mother opened the door and welcomed Steve. His parents also got to know Steve in that time because he and the others often asked Bucky before they could visit him. He got in and asked if Bucky is in his room, upstairs. “Go on, he’s in his room. Don’t forget to knock, he hates being interrupted.” she said as Steve started going up the stairs. He looked at the photos on the wall as he climbed. 

He knocked on the door with a huge Queen poster on, he heard him say “Come in.” and Steve opened the door to see Bucky placing the things in his suitcase. He looked at the door, “Stevie!” the blue of Bucky’s eyes shined with the sun coming in from the window. “Hey!” he answered back, “I decided to empty my suitcase by myself for the first time but you can help me if you like.” Bucky said as he folded a t-shirt and put it in his closet. Steve approached to Bucky and took a sweatshirt from the suitcase to fold it and have to Bucky so he could put it in the right place. 

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asked, he was glad he came but definitely didn’t expect him to. “I just wanted to ask if you would want to go out some time.” he mumbled, he wasn’t actually sure if he wanted Bucky to hear. Steve folded another sweatshirt and gave it Bucky, he stopped after he placed the last one Steve gave in. “Maybe a date kind of thing.” Steve said the moment Bucky looked at him, he looked confused but he was smiling. “It’s probably too early, just forget about that.” Steve said quickly. “I never every liked anyone, so I never actually asked anyone on a date. I suck at this, sorry” Steve said very fast hoping Bucky would ignore. “Stevie” Bucky began, reached for Steve’s hand “I would love to.” his words made Steve chuckle nervously. “Just please help me finish this all.” Bucky said after he chuckled as well. They talked about Bucky’s clothes until they were done placing everything in their places

Bucky closed his suitcase and put it next to his closet. “About the date,” Steve began but Bucky felt like interrupting him. “Relax a bit.” he said smiling casually as Steve still had that small nervous smile. “I thought of seeing a movie since you won’t be comfortable with something with eating involved.” he said, his voice sounded a little more laidback towards the end. “Just choose the movie and time, maybe after school but not tuesday or thursday.” Steve knew why he wasn’t available those days and didn’t ask for more. “Or,” Bucky began, he was thinking if it was alright to say that but just said it right away before Steve got confused, “We can watch something now, I don’t know if we actually need to go on a date.” Steve grew a big smile. “You’re actually right, no need to make it a big deal.” Steve said enthusiastically keeping that bright smile, “We’re high schoolers, not adults forcing themselves into relationships.” Bucky chuckled hoping that would make Steve laugh and it did. “My laptop’s there, it’s open, choose a movie.” Bucky said as he moved himself closed to the door. Steve was the first person he let use his laptop, he never trusted anyone much to do anything with his laptop. Which was actually the summary of them, they were each other’s firsts in different ways. 

Bucky stood next to the door, watched Steve to get the laptop and said “I’ll make some coffee, is that okay with you?” Bucky’s words make Steve turn his head to the door. “I’m a tea person, if you have some green tea i’d prefer that.” Steve felt like he was asking too much but Bucky nodded slowly as he still smiled big. He came back with a cup of green tea and iced black coffee in a huge mug. He sat on his bed next to Steve, gave the cup to him and put his mug on the nightstand. “What are we watching?” Bucky said looking at Steve rather than looking at the laptop. “Scott Pilgrim.” he said before he let out a little laugh, “I was right to trust you with the movie choice.” Buck said after he chuckled. “Wait a little more before you trust me on that, I can’t be trusted with movie choices.” Steve forced himself to keep a straight face, “You’re doing good so far.” Bucky trying to follow Steve with putting on a straight face just like him. They looked at each other seriously for a minute before Steve said “Wait until you see my Netflix list.” and Bucky couldn’t hold his laugh back after that. 

It didn’t felt too soon to hang out with Steve like that just hours after he got home, he was trying to get used to his room again and was reminding himself that everything was going to be different after that 6 weeks. When Steve came in his room, it was the first time they enjoyed each other’s company properly and to Bucky it felt natural, he forgot that he was in a hospital for the last 6 weeks and it felt right. Steve being there felt right. Bucky loved having Steve’s support and loved knowing he was willing to give more of that. And when Steve asked Bucky on a date, Bucky realised how much he wanted that, he just didn’t have time to think about it in between all that mess. And while they were watching the movie, commenting on every single scene even though they both hated talking while watching something, Bucky held Steve’s hand like Steve held his that night. Steve felt the same comfort Bucky did. 

They still had time to know each other better but they wanted to give all the time needed. Steve actually was fond of a life by himself, in the city he’s so in love with. He had moments that he wished he had a different life but he finally had hope for a possible great life. Bucky always wanted recovery but there wasn’t someone to push him to or he didn’t want them to by not even talking about his eating disorder. It didn’t matter how long they knew each other for or how much time they spent together. Bucky’s eating disorder used to be all he was comfortable with and ever since Steve’s support gave him comfort he actually gave himself a chance of recovery, he would never be fully recovered but at least he wanted it for the first time. Having Steve by his side made it all easier and knowing that gave Steve a reason to keep supporting and loving Bucky in every way. They didn’t care how long or how much, knowing that they have each other felt better than anything.   
Deciding if it was romantic or not was up to them, they decided that it was and they never questioned it again.


End file.
